Stuck at the Midlife Crossroads? Two Strategies For Getting From Stuck to Forward Momentum
By Kate Sanner
There is a scene in the classic holiday movie “A Christmas Story” (an adaptation of childhood stories of the late writer/humorist Jean Shepherd) where a boy named Flick is bragging to his friends that his father said that if you put your tongue on a frozen flag pole, it wouldn’t get stuck. (By the way, they were 8 year old boys, if you are wondering who would think of such a thing.) On a “triple-dog dare” from Schwartz, one of the other boys, Flick proceeded to do so, armed with his belief that his self-proclaimed infallible father was always right.
Well, the laws of nature - and of winters in Indiana - dictated otherwise. As Flick’s self-satisfied “See, I told ya” soon turned into the realization that he was indeed stuck, he flailed, cried, screamed “Stuck! Stuck! Stuck!” and implored the help of his friends. His friends, driven by a higher imperative – the bell that signaled the end of recess and a return to class or “you’d be in big trouble” –knew only one solution, i.e., running back to the classroom, and abandoning their friend to his “stuck” fate.
Now, poor Flick was only going by what he knew and believed, reinforced by the belief he had in his father’s infallibility. And he knew and believed only one solution - flailing, crying and screaming - to try and resolve it. Getting into this problem was easy…getting out of it was far more difficult. It took the resources of not only one observant teacher but that of the local police, fire and rescue personnel.
Inevitably, there comes a time or times in your life when you get stuck and you flail around trying to get unstuck. Midlife in general can be one of those times when you feel a strong urge to move in a different direction in your life but you don’t know how to begin. You may even know what you want to do –like write a book - but just can’t get it together. You may be in a predicament like staying in a job that you are intellectually and emotionally done with but are unsure how to leave it and still support yourself financially. Or you may be in a relationship that’s ok but not going anywhere. And it seems that no matter what you do to resolve it, no matter how much you flail about, you inevitably default to your belief system and rely on what you already know to resolve it…and the “stuck-ness” only persists. The truth is you will not solve any significant problem you face by doing things the way you have done them before.
Which brings me to the quote by Albert Einstein that I ran across again the other day while researching another topic: “The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." Frank, a physicist acquaintance of mine, explained to me that in Einstein’s time, “all of science thought that light waves were the product of a vibration of a substance they called the ‘ether’. But, no one could detect its presence. The puzzle was really confounded when light speed measured ‘along’ the ether's motion was found to be equal to the light speed opposite its motion. Surely the speed of the wave must be different when the waving stuff is moving toward you, versus away from you. But it wasn't. Einstein said, maybe the speed of light never changes, no matter how fast or slow you are moving. This was revolutionary! We now call it the ‘special theory of relativity and it represents a total departure from the way people were used to thinking about the world.”
Einstein’s original thinking solved a scientific puzzle, revolutionized and changed forever how people thought about the world. Now, true genius is a rare phenomenon. Answers seem to come to them from a region far beyond what we average-to-above-average thinkers rely on.
The brain, the marvelous computer that it is, has a glitch. When faced with a problem, it searches the data banks for existing information and knowledge. It will not automatically go to the thousands of bits of new information it has been exposed to on a daily basis but to the information that lies inside its immediate and very narrow bandwidth of consciousness.
But it is in this outer region that the answers lie. How do you access these bits of information? There are many ways but let me suggest two simple things you can do to implement a different level of thinking.
First, if you don’t already know how to, learn how to create a mind map or mind web. If you are not acquainted with these terms do an online search for them and you will find, along with explanations of the terms, the resources for learning them, including books and even software programs. These tools can be used for solving problems in personal arenas as well as business or work-related arenas.
Simply described, mind maps or webs are visual representations of your ideas with the main idea placed in the center of the paper. One then intuitively branches out from the center with ideas that relate to the main idea. Different colored pens or markers can be used to denote each branch of a related idea. Symbols can also be placed on each of the branches as well as the “tributaries” that run from each of the branches.
For example, if you’re a woman in midlife, your main problem may be not knowing where you want to go next in your life. (By the way, you may find these maps run pretty large, so be prepared with additional paper or larger sized paper or poster boards.) At the center, you may draw a cloud-like shape labeled “Where to Next?” with a big question mark placed at the center. You feel pretty confounded by the problem, so you choose grey as the color of the cloud.
You then think, “Well, to get me started, let me see where I feel pretty grounded right now”, so you draw a solid, thick line or arrow to a heart shape you label “Relationships”. From here you draw other lines to your spouse or significant relationship, children, family of origin, friendships, neighbors, community-based connections, organizations you belong to and any other kind of connections you may have. Off of each of those you might list an individual’s name. In doing so, you remember that you met Rhonda at a fundraiser for a charity you support and that she is a career counselor. You indicate through a color or symbol that she is someone to contact. (You can transfer this contact to a more linear “to-do” list if you’d like).
As you add more concepts or ideas like “My Current Job” or “My Hobbies”, you may begin to see where you can draw lines between and among these concepts or ideas. The more you do this, the more the brain starts making connections automatically and begins to draw on ideas that lay outside your immediate, narrow bandwidth of consciousness. You’ll suddenly get a flash to something you read in a magazine or an announcement you saw…things you didn’t automatically remember.
These maps or webs trigger your thinking and are a way to become consciously aware of subconscious thoughts or even feelings. You may suddenly remember how good you felt when you were doing a certain task. Make sure to highlight it in some way as it is a clue that may be an avenue to follow.
Second, form a “brainstorming” group. Invite 4 or 5 people you know with diverse backgrounds; e.g., if you are in sales, try and invite someone from totally unrelated fields such as library science or technology. Don’t invite close friends or family. Though they love you and support you, they may think a lot like you or they may try to protect you from further problems. This is not to your advantage in solving your current significant problem.
At this brainstorming session, have a flip chart or large pieces of paper adhered to the wall. Present your problem to the group and have them say out loud all the things that come to their minds as a solution to the problem. Write these ideas down on the paper so everyone can see. One idea will spark another. Do not judge, “blow-off” or negate any idea during this process. Take down the papers (hopefully you have many) and review them at another time soon after the group.
Later, you can have a more critical thinking acquaintance help you prioritize the ideas you did come up with and/or blow holes in some of them. Add the usable ideas to your mind map/web or keep a running list of possibilities in a binder or journal. By the way, don’t forget to do something to show appreciation and to return the favor to your brainstorming group.
Thinking at a different level than what got you into a problem - by using tools like mind maps/webs, brainstorming groups or the myriad of other possibilities you just haven’t thought of yet - is a true jumping off point for your growth and success.
Kate Sanner is the CEO and founder of Vivacity. As "Jump Instructor", Kate helps a woman on the verge of doing great things to take the leap into the life she has been dreaming of...whether it's starting a business, writing a book or fulfilling a life long ambition. Once a woman has made the jump, Kate then provides tools and resources so that a woman can continue to take herself to new levels and to maximize and monetize all her efforts for continuous growth, financial gain and success. She is also a podcaster, Ezine publisher and internet radio show host. To get a FREE copy of Vivacity's "The Think and Play BIG System"™, a 10 Step, 46-page guide,- a $57 value - that shows you how to bring your vision for your enterprise into reality and onto new levels, go to http://vivacitynow.com and fill in your first name and primary email address in the box in the upper right hand corner, then click on Yes, Send My System Now.
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Living Simply - 3 Steps to Living Your Life With Less Complication
By Brendon Parker
The very nature of our daily lives is about the accumulation of stuff and with it we add layers of complexity. The more we have the more we need to pay for, insure, store, protect, maintain, keep clean and ensure we have the proper succession issues taken care of, and we do this because we're trying to be happy.
Some steps to consider when looking to simplify your life are:
1) Create an outline of what is important to you, a lot of people will tell you to make a list, while that can be helpful one can get bogged down in the detail of it all. but instead you could try setting up a project board and cutting out pictures and pasting them onto the board either at random or in different categories. We tend to think visually and not in list form (quick think of an island holiday, did you see a beautiful beach or a list of what the beach would look like). Try to keep your categories to ten or less, any more and it will get messy.
2)Get focused on getting all your legal loose ends tied up. Do you have a will? do you need a living will? do you want to be an organ donor? what do you want done when you die in terms of a funeral? Not fun stuff I know but get it done quickly with the right advice and it then doesn't need to float around in your head eating up your energy with worry.
3)Make yourself really good at something. No matter what it is that you are interested in, pick one subject and get really, really good at it. The focus and discipline needed to get to the point of success will flow over into other areas of your life and be a huge confidence booster.
There are so many things in life today that distract us and fragment our thinking that we really need to simplify our lives to be able to enjoy them. It is an ongoing process, but it is better to make a start than find yourself ten years down the line and wonder how different things could have been.
I hope you found the article helpful. If you want to create a new for yourself future go to http://MaverickMoneyMakersVillage.com
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Ways to Keep Yourself Amused!
By Allison Ryan
The feeling of boredom gradually creeps upon the best of us. It is an oppressive and uncomfortable feeling, much like being trapped in a straight jacket and thrown into a furnace. Your palms start to sweat and your breath gets short as you stare blankly at the wall in front of you.
But don't lose hope just yet. If you relax for just a minute, you will surely think of things to do. In case you can't, this article is here to help. There are a lot of simple things that nobody ever even thinks of, and they are absolutely genius!
Take greeting cards for example. Ecards, which are free online greeting cards, are good for any occasion at all. You can spend as much time as you want customizing them, and then send it off to every single person you have ever had an email address for.
The bright colors, lively animations and fancy music that you can put into an e card will keep you occupied for minutes, and the more e cards you make, the more minutes of boredom you have stamped into the ground. You have a perfectly good excuse to send them out as well, because even if it is not a holiday or anybody's birthday, they have e cards that are "just because."
Animated greeting cards have another benefit as well. Sending e cards and online greetings to everybody you've ever known might bring you closer to a friend you have drifted away from. Just think, they get the e card in their email and they decide to strike up a conversation with you.
Once you finished catching up on what has been going on in each others lives, you may find that hours have flown by. You may even end up setting something up. There is nothing better for boredom than the company of an old friend.
While you're browsing the e card website, you might notice that they have a section for Mother's Day greetings. You could begin making Mothers Day ecards with Mother's Day poems in them for all of the mothers in your life.
Many of these e card websites have things besides just email greeting templates. Sometimes there are games and forums and things like that; in fact some of the e cards have games inside of them. You could make one and send it to yourself, and you can keep it in your inbox for later when you inevitably become bored once again.
If you go on the forums you can look through the topics for something that interests you, and you can start to put in your two cents. This can become a new hobby for you-something for you to do whenever you get bored, or just whenever you feel like it. Plus you might even make some new friends; other people who posted on the same thread as you, for the same reason you did-almost as if it was meant to be.
Allison Ryan is a freelance marketing writer from San Diego, CA. She specializes in internet technology, such as sending Mothers Day ecards, ecards for birthdays and other special events, and environmental concerns. For free e cards, check out http://www.care2.com/.
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How to Learn From Your Mistakes
By Alan Gillies
Each and every one of us makes mistakes, don't we? Whether these mistakes are incredibly big or quite small we still must make specific decisions in our daily life, and it's entirely possible that some of these decisions - not being good ones, won't pay off as we hope they will. It's certainly a part human nature to make all kinds of mistakes, but the best part about this is that the sum total of these mistakes will eventually lead to a colossal leap forward toward success.
Success isn't just a matter of being perfect in everything you do - as perfection comes only from time and experience. How can you differentiate a wrong decision from a right one without knowing what is right and what is wrong? As rightly said by Fred Shero, "Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion. You must first set yourself on fire".
If you are not making mistakes, it may be that you're playing on the safe side and not taking any risks. In every mistake you make, there's a hidden lesson. You'll end up learning many things from those mistakes, and the next time you arrive at a similar situation or problem - you won't repeat the earlier actions, and perhaps you'll even make a perfect decision which will lead to extraordinarily fruitful results.
It is a famous saying that those who have not experienced failure can never know how sweet the taste of success is. If you always succeed easily, then you will never be able to prepare yourself to face the inevitable mistakes and failures. Your strength in overcoming mistakes can make you a role model in the eyes of others who want to learn from your experience, so they can then deal with situations in the same successful manner.
In previous times, there have been quite a few successful inventions which were much more than brief thoughts. Those inventions appeared after considering a great many alternatives and choosing the best from all of them. Many experiments have been done to verify the viability of each of the alternatives, and quite a bit of money and effort was spent to figure out the best solutions, but that doesn't mean that the expense invested into the experiments got wasted. A great deal of knowledge and experience was gained from those experiments, and all of this was then utilised in the refinement of the final experiments done at later stages.
So, now what do you think, aren't mistakes an essential aspect of success? Mistakes can happen anywhere and at any time, and it's a fundamental part of human behaviour to make mistakes. The key here is to strive to deal with the mistakes in a positive manner and always try to learn something new from each one of them.
Copyright (c) 2009 Alan Gillies
Alan Gillies is the Managing Director of the L2L Group. He specialises in supplying Executive Coaching, Training and Consultancy Services to International Businesses across the World. Want to discover more about these inspiring business building success strategies? Get Alan's insightful FREE Business Pack right now!
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