Jobs and CareersHealing Trauma - Tips on Giving Support
By Cathy Chapman, Ph.D.
Traumatic events can be found everywhere in life. Some are: accidents, illness, natural disaster, death of a loved, loss of a job, war and more. There are times when someone experiences a number of minor or moderately stressful events that, when the emotional toll is taken, can be described as a traumatic time period.
Every trauma has an emotional component. Significant characteristics of trauma are feeling lost, vulnerable and disconnected. Life is no longer normal. In some cases life will never be "normal" again.
Trauma begins with a state of shock resulting in feeling numb. One physiological result of shock is the left and right sides of the brain quit communicate with each other. The result is an inability for the simplest information to be understood. The result can be loss of judgment leading to bad decision making.
When supporting someone with trauma, understand there are many different ways of responding. One person may be lethargic while another not be able to sit still. One will talk incessantly and another will retreat into silence.
Ways you can help
Here are a few tips to help someone who has experienced trauma. Be there. Simply be present. Let them talk. Sit with them if they aren't talking.
Listen. So many people don't know how to listen. Listening means to do simply that, listen. Make "listening noises," "Yes," "Un-huh," "I can't imagine." Listening does not involve you sharing stories. Keep those to yourself for now. Listen without judgment. Reassure them their reactions are normal.
Don't take anything personally. People can be irritable, sad, and angry. Don't take their feelings personally. Their feelings are about them, not you.
Notice. Pay attention to what is needed. Bring water or food. Is there something that needs to be done? Wash clothes or dishes, offer transportation, mow the lawn, clean the house. Pay attention to the routine things that are not getting done.
Be patient. Recovery from trauma has a different time line for each individual. Some people are involved with their feelings and can't seem to do what is needed. Others immerse themselves in busy work and avoid their feelings. These are normal responses.
Notice when the reactions are extreme or continuing too long. This may signify the need for professional intervention.
Be aware of your own feelings. If you are having a bad day, find yourself impatient, or are "getting tired" of the other person's emotions or behavior, stay away for a day or so. Notice what you are feeling and work through your own feelings.
Send cards, flowers. Send a tangible reminder of your care and support. Cards with personal notes can be read many times over. Flowers are lovely to look at and brighten a room.
Provide space. Sometimes the greatest help is no help. Be aware that they may need their own time alone.
You can't fix them. No matter how much you care, how much you love someone, you cannot fix them. Recognize your limitations. When you feel as if you are working too hard too long to support someone, it may be time for professional intervention.
Direct them to support. Depending upon the type or severity of the trauma, the person should be feeling better as time passes. If you are concerned, refer them to support groups, doctors or therapists.
Being a support for someone who has experienced trauma in their lives, is crucial for the one traumatized. Never forget that you need to care for yourself, also. You can, also, feel traumatized when your support appears to have little effect.
Cathy Chapman, PhD., LCSW is an energy based psychotherapist who uses Healing Silks, http://www.CathysHealingSilks.com to balance the energy of her clients. Healing Silks are wonderful signs of support to give to someone traumatized. In addition, they will gently assist the person to heal. Dr. Chapman is based in Houston, TX.
========================================
Tips For Beating the Far From Home Holiday Blues
By Kama Frankling
There is little doubt that being far away from loved ones during holiday seasons can be a difficult time. I know I personally struggle with missing my boys just that bit more than usual during Easter and Christmas holidays.
I felt very down and far away from family and friends on Good Friday so I sat down and thought of ways to turn my mood around. After all, I figured if everyone around me appears to be having fun then I may as well join in.
My efforts appeared to have worked as I am feeling very relaxed and light today so I thought it might be a good idea to share how I changed my down day to a positive day through a process of questions......
1. If I didn't know that it was a holiday would I still feel the same? Have I convinced myself that this is a time when I should feel down?
2. If I wasn't feeling down, what would I be doing with my free time? Would I be enjoying myself? Am I wasting valuable free time by being down? What do I usually wish I had more time to do?
3. Would my loved ones want me to feel down during my holiday break? Would my loved ones feel good knowing that I am down?
4. Will it make a difference to my situation if I spend the day being down instead of enjoying myself?
5. Can I choose to use my free time for enjoyment instead of feeling down or guilty? Can I acknowledge that I miss my loved ones while still enjoying my free time?
I came to this conclusion...
If this was just an unusually quiet weekend then I would be relaxing and enjoying the peace and quiet, and although I always miss my boys, I would not be feeling down about missing them on this particular day if I had not known that it was a holiday. Memories of previous Easters spent with my boys triggered the feelings so it is fair to say that in a manner of speaking, I convinced myself that this day of missing them was worse than usual.
I have wanted some time to write, tidy and relax, yet I was feeling tense and not getting anything done which was making me feel worse, so I decided to make an effort to do the things I have wanted to do for a while. I ended up sorting out all of my clothes, reading and watching a movie and felt great that I had done all of those things.
I thought about my boys and my family and how they would feel if they thought that I was having a down day and I realized that they would not be happy with that, just like I would not like to think of them having a down day. I decided it would be good to be having the day that they would imagine me to be having just like I was imagining them all together having fun.
I could spend all day being down and not have any fun but it would not change my situation and it would not help anyone in any way. And yes I can acknowledge that I can miss my loved ones and still enjoy myself, as I would hope that they do on the days that they miss me.
I hope these questions can help you beat the far away from home holiday blues...
Enjoy the day...
Subscribe to the free weekly inspiration and tips...
http://www.thehappymigrant.com/member.php?Register
Kama Frankling
The Happy Migrant
===========================================
Seven Zero Cost Ways to Manage Your Stress
By Jeannette Samanen PhD
In these times of economic downturn it's good to know that some of the most effective strategies for managing your stress cost nothing at all. Here are seven of them:
1. Take a relaxation break.
If you are overwhelmed with too much to do or when you get upset about people or things you cannot control, give yourself some time to calm down and get a fresh perspective. This might be as simple as taking a few deep breaths or going for a brief walk. You will return better able to handle whatever challenges you face.
2. Exercise
Exercise such as jogging or riding a bicycle helps you to relax and produces endorphins, those chemicals in your body that produce a natural high. The repetitive motion of such activities creates a meditative state that enhances creativity.
You can get energized during the day by doing simple stretches such as side bends or reaching high above your head and then bending over to touch your toes. You don't even have to get up from your seat to turn your head slowly to the right and the left, holding the stretch for a minute or two. You can clench your fist and then expand your fingers as far as they will go to relieve the stress of keyboarding.
3. Spend time with people you enjoy
Whether on the phone, over the internet or in person, interact with people you care about and who care about you. You stay connected when you share your joys and triumphs, your disappointments and sorrows. The support you give and receive helps you recognize how much you matter to others.
4. Release negative and self-critical thinking
There are many things, such as the economy, over which you have no control. You can, however, control your thinking. Negative and self-critical thoughts create stress (and distress). Reducing or eliminating these thoughts will help you to manage your stress.
First become aware of negative thoughts when they arise. Gently challenge your negative or self-critical thoughts. Focus on truths that contradict the undermining things you say to yourself. For example, when you hear yourself saying that you never do anything right or you always do everything wrong, point out contradictory examples to debunk these unfair judgments.
5. Engage in affectionate physical contact
Hug your friends and family. Find someone with whom you can exchange a shoulder and neck massage. Love your spouse. If you're not married, love your lover. Pet your dog or cat.
Everyone needs to be rubbed. Create opportunities to give and receive physical affection.
6. Spend time in nature
We evolved over millennia in intimate connection with the Earth and the other creatures with whom we share this incredible planet. The more time you spend in front of the TV or a computer screen, or walking on concrete sidewalks along city streets or speeding along highways, the more cut off you become from the nourishing effects of connecting with nature.
Spend time in the woods or by a stream or lake or on a beach to create a sense of calm. Slow down and notice the beauty that is all around - birdsong, the sparkle of the sun reflected in water, the unexpected treasure of a mushroom or wildflower peeking out from dead leaves, the grandeur of a tree. Even if you live in the middle of a big city, you can find grass, trees and open sky in a park not too far away.
7. Do something kind for someone else
Research shows that acts of kindness provide more lasting satisfaction for the giver than engaging in enjoyable activities (which might cost a great deal more). Be aware of opportunities to say or do kind things for the people around you - both those you know and even perfect strangers. Notice how good it feels when someone extends an unexpected courtesy to you. Discover the pleasure of doing the same for those around you.
Please note: none of these activities costs you a penny. No matter how financially challenged you may be, you can do any of these things to manage your stress and make your good life better.
Drawing on skills and expertise developed over 30 years experience, Philadelphia life coach Jeannette Samanen PhD provides effective life coaching, empowering you to achieve your goals. You will receive her free article "5 Easy Steps to Access Your Inner Wisdom" when you subscribe to her "Make Your Good Life Better" newsletter. Go to http://www.achieveyourgoals.com.
By Cathy Chapman, Ph.D.
Traumatic events can be found everywhere in life. Some are: accidents, illness, natural disaster, death of a loved, loss of a job, war and more. There are times when someone experiences a number of minor or moderately stressful events that, when the emotional toll is taken, can be described as a traumatic time period.
Every trauma has an emotional component. Significant characteristics of trauma are feeling lost, vulnerable and disconnected. Life is no longer normal. In some cases life will never be "normal" again.
Trauma begins with a state of shock resulting in feeling numb. One physiological result of shock is the left and right sides of the brain quit communicate with each other. The result is an inability for the simplest information to be understood. The result can be loss of judgment leading to bad decision making.
When supporting someone with trauma, understand there are many different ways of responding. One person may be lethargic while another not be able to sit still. One will talk incessantly and another will retreat into silence.
Ways you can help
Here are a few tips to help someone who has experienced trauma. Be there. Simply be present. Let them talk. Sit with them if they aren't talking.
Listen. So many people don't know how to listen. Listening means to do simply that, listen. Make "listening noises," "Yes," "Un-huh," "I can't imagine." Listening does not involve you sharing stories. Keep those to yourself for now. Listen without judgment. Reassure them their reactions are normal.
Don't take anything personally. People can be irritable, sad, and angry. Don't take their feelings personally. Their feelings are about them, not you.
Notice. Pay attention to what is needed. Bring water or food. Is there something that needs to be done? Wash clothes or dishes, offer transportation, mow the lawn, clean the house. Pay attention to the routine things that are not getting done.
Be patient. Recovery from trauma has a different time line for each individual. Some people are involved with their feelings and can't seem to do what is needed. Others immerse themselves in busy work and avoid their feelings. These are normal responses.
Notice when the reactions are extreme or continuing too long. This may signify the need for professional intervention.
Be aware of your own feelings. If you are having a bad day, find yourself impatient, or are "getting tired" of the other person's emotions or behavior, stay away for a day or so. Notice what you are feeling and work through your own feelings.
Send cards, flowers. Send a tangible reminder of your care and support. Cards with personal notes can be read many times over. Flowers are lovely to look at and brighten a room.
Provide space. Sometimes the greatest help is no help. Be aware that they may need their own time alone.
You can't fix them. No matter how much you care, how much you love someone, you cannot fix them. Recognize your limitations. When you feel as if you are working too hard too long to support someone, it may be time for professional intervention.
Direct them to support. Depending upon the type or severity of the trauma, the person should be feeling better as time passes. If you are concerned, refer them to support groups, doctors or therapists.
Being a support for someone who has experienced trauma in their lives, is crucial for the one traumatized. Never forget that you need to care for yourself, also. You can, also, feel traumatized when your support appears to have little effect.
Cathy Chapman, PhD., LCSW is an energy based psychotherapist who uses Healing Silks, http://www.CathysHealingSilks.com to balance the energy of her clients. Healing Silks are wonderful signs of support to give to someone traumatized. In addition, they will gently assist the person to heal. Dr. Chapman is based in Houston, TX.
========================================
Tips For Beating the Far From Home Holiday Blues
By Kama Frankling
There is little doubt that being far away from loved ones during holiday seasons can be a difficult time. I know I personally struggle with missing my boys just that bit more than usual during Easter and Christmas holidays.
I felt very down and far away from family and friends on Good Friday so I sat down and thought of ways to turn my mood around. After all, I figured if everyone around me appears to be having fun then I may as well join in.
My efforts appeared to have worked as I am feeling very relaxed and light today so I thought it might be a good idea to share how I changed my down day to a positive day through a process of questions......
1. If I didn't know that it was a holiday would I still feel the same? Have I convinced myself that this is a time when I should feel down?
2. If I wasn't feeling down, what would I be doing with my free time? Would I be enjoying myself? Am I wasting valuable free time by being down? What do I usually wish I had more time to do?
3. Would my loved ones want me to feel down during my holiday break? Would my loved ones feel good knowing that I am down?
4. Will it make a difference to my situation if I spend the day being down instead of enjoying myself?
5. Can I choose to use my free time for enjoyment instead of feeling down or guilty? Can I acknowledge that I miss my loved ones while still enjoying my free time?
I came to this conclusion...
If this was just an unusually quiet weekend then I would be relaxing and enjoying the peace and quiet, and although I always miss my boys, I would not be feeling down about missing them on this particular day if I had not known that it was a holiday. Memories of previous Easters spent with my boys triggered the feelings so it is fair to say that in a manner of speaking, I convinced myself that this day of missing them was worse than usual.
I have wanted some time to write, tidy and relax, yet I was feeling tense and not getting anything done which was making me feel worse, so I decided to make an effort to do the things I have wanted to do for a while. I ended up sorting out all of my clothes, reading and watching a movie and felt great that I had done all of those things.
I thought about my boys and my family and how they would feel if they thought that I was having a down day and I realized that they would not be happy with that, just like I would not like to think of them having a down day. I decided it would be good to be having the day that they would imagine me to be having just like I was imagining them all together having fun.
I could spend all day being down and not have any fun but it would not change my situation and it would not help anyone in any way. And yes I can acknowledge that I can miss my loved ones and still enjoy myself, as I would hope that they do on the days that they miss me.
I hope these questions can help you beat the far away from home holiday blues...
Enjoy the day...
Subscribe to the free weekly inspiration and tips...
http://www.thehappymigrant.com/member.php?Register
Kama Frankling
The Happy Migrant
===========================================
Seven Zero Cost Ways to Manage Your Stress
By Jeannette Samanen PhD
In these times of economic downturn it's good to know that some of the most effective strategies for managing your stress cost nothing at all. Here are seven of them:
1. Take a relaxation break.
If you are overwhelmed with too much to do or when you get upset about people or things you cannot control, give yourself some time to calm down and get a fresh perspective. This might be as simple as taking a few deep breaths or going for a brief walk. You will return better able to handle whatever challenges you face.
2. Exercise
Exercise such as jogging or riding a bicycle helps you to relax and produces endorphins, those chemicals in your body that produce a natural high. The repetitive motion of such activities creates a meditative state that enhances creativity.
You can get energized during the day by doing simple stretches such as side bends or reaching high above your head and then bending over to touch your toes. You don't even have to get up from your seat to turn your head slowly to the right and the left, holding the stretch for a minute or two. You can clench your fist and then expand your fingers as far as they will go to relieve the stress of keyboarding.
3. Spend time with people you enjoy
Whether on the phone, over the internet or in person, interact with people you care about and who care about you. You stay connected when you share your joys and triumphs, your disappointments and sorrows. The support you give and receive helps you recognize how much you matter to others.
4. Release negative and self-critical thinking
There are many things, such as the economy, over which you have no control. You can, however, control your thinking. Negative and self-critical thoughts create stress (and distress). Reducing or eliminating these thoughts will help you to manage your stress.
First become aware of negative thoughts when they arise. Gently challenge your negative or self-critical thoughts. Focus on truths that contradict the undermining things you say to yourself. For example, when you hear yourself saying that you never do anything right or you always do everything wrong, point out contradictory examples to debunk these unfair judgments.
5. Engage in affectionate physical contact
Hug your friends and family. Find someone with whom you can exchange a shoulder and neck massage. Love your spouse. If you're not married, love your lover. Pet your dog or cat.
Everyone needs to be rubbed. Create opportunities to give and receive physical affection.
6. Spend time in nature
We evolved over millennia in intimate connection with the Earth and the other creatures with whom we share this incredible planet. The more time you spend in front of the TV or a computer screen, or walking on concrete sidewalks along city streets or speeding along highways, the more cut off you become from the nourishing effects of connecting with nature.
Spend time in the woods or by a stream or lake or on a beach to create a sense of calm. Slow down and notice the beauty that is all around - birdsong, the sparkle of the sun reflected in water, the unexpected treasure of a mushroom or wildflower peeking out from dead leaves, the grandeur of a tree. Even if you live in the middle of a big city, you can find grass, trees and open sky in a park not too far away.
7. Do something kind for someone else
Research shows that acts of kindness provide more lasting satisfaction for the giver than engaging in enjoyable activities (which might cost a great deal more). Be aware of opportunities to say or do kind things for the people around you - both those you know and even perfect strangers. Notice how good it feels when someone extends an unexpected courtesy to you. Discover the pleasure of doing the same for those around you.
Please note: none of these activities costs you a penny. No matter how financially challenged you may be, you can do any of these things to manage your stress and make your good life better.
Drawing on skills and expertise developed over 30 years experience, Philadelphia life coach Jeannette Samanen PhD provides effective life coaching, empowering you to achieve your goals. You will receive her free article "5 Easy Steps to Access Your Inner Wisdom" when you subscribe to her "Make Your Good Life Better" newsletter. Go to http://www.achieveyourgoals.com.
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