Jobs and CareersCreate Constructive Confrontation to Multiply Success
By Andrew Cox
An expert at debating was asked what to do to win an argument when an opponents' preparation, grasp of the facts, position on the subject and conviction make them a clear favorite to win.
His advised taking five actions in order to "Win."
1 - Attack their behavior
2 - Ridicule and dismiss or show contempt for the person and their position
3 - Question their motives
4 - Apply a negative label to them,
5 - Speak loudly and quickly
Sound familiar? In other words, practice Destructive Confrontation.
Pretty scary stuff. The debate experts experience was that few people could stay on point while being subjected to that kind of personal attack. None of the five actions have anything to do with the merits of the positions. His experience was that even the most rational debater would at some point become emotional and defensive, and once that happened, they were finished - as far as winning the debate was concerned.
He's right - and it's not limited to the arena of debate.
Destructive Confrontation - it's the source of more negative emotions, poor communications and low productivity than any other behavior.
What's bad about it is that it has nothing to do with the merits of an argument - nothing about facts - nothing to do with gaining understanding - nothing to do with learning.
What's troubling is to see how that behavior has captured our discourse - on every level. Watch any news show, read any Opinion page in a newspaper, read any number of blogs, observe meetings where the outcome is the increase in importance of one group at the expense of another, and it becomes obvious that a large segment of our population is destructive to those who don't share their viewpoint.
It doesn't have to be that way.
"Without conflict there is no learning." I don't know who to attribute that statement to, but I had a boss who believed in it and demanded argument and conflict as a means of creating better communications and better decision making. The workplace he created was highly productive, relationships were based on respect and trust, and it was one of the most demanding, rewarding places I ever worked. Constructive confrontation was the rule of the day - it was a behavior that produced superior results.
Many people make the mistake of thinking that the opposite of destructive confrontation is some warm, fuzzy place where we all " just get along." There is nothing further from the truth. Constructive confrontation is a contact behavior, and it requires a number of behaviors, beliefs and values that are opposite to destructive confrontation. For some leading organizations, it's so important that they conduct training and evaluations to ensure that it is part of their behavior. They are convinced that "without conflict there is no learning.".
Successful organizations - and individuals - that practice Constructive Confrontation realize there are a number of factors that are critical to its effective use. Tops among them are these eight:
1 - The belief that every person's point of view brings value to decision making
2 - The self discipline to get past initial emotional reactions and deal with facts and figures
3 - Effective communications skills that can effectively express a point of view
4 - The ability to deal with things as they are - a real world view
5 - The conviction that constructive confrontation will produce better results - results with a higher chance of acceptance and success
6 - A willingness to seek out, listen to and accept alternative solutions
7 - A desire to act decisively and use Constructive Confrontation to arrive at the best possible outcome as quickly as possible
8 - The emotional maturity to look at issues as issues, without personalizing them
The encouraging thing about all eight factors is that they can be learned and acquired. There is no magic formula to developing effective Constructive Confrontation. But it is tougher to develop as a behavior than Destructive Confrontation - which comes from emotion and the all too human desire to "win" - whatever that might mean.
But contrast the effect of the two - in your personal life and in your organizational life. There really is no contest. Constructive Confrontation has the ability to create results and success. And yet, it's amazing how few are really good at it. It's a top ten percent behavior. Knowing that, ignore all the media yelling and screaming and the all too human temptation to let emotions rule, and cultivate the eight factors as a means of increasing your level of success - in relationships, business, personal interests and family - and possibly even in politics.
Andy Cox is President of Cox Consulting Group LLC. The focus of his work is on helping organizations and their people increase their success in the hiring, developing and enhancing the performance of leaders and emerging leaders. Cox Consulting Group LLC was started in 1995, and has worked with a wide range of organizations, managers and leaders - helping them define success, achieve success and make the ability to change a competitive advantage. He can be reached at http://coxconsultgroup.com or at acox@coxconsultgroup.com
============================================
How a Support Group Can Help You Avoid Pain - Spark Your Creativity and Frog Leap Into Prosperity!
By Doc Miller
An informal support group, by design, exists to help each other with pain relief or to avoid the pain, of yet another defeat. Every city of any size has these support groups and more:
- Family support group
- Parent support Group
- Depression support group
- Divorce support group
- Bipolar support group
- Anxiety support group
- Alcoholics' Anonymous support group
The meetings are advertised in local newspapers, school bulletin boards (including the Psychology Dept. of local colleges), and can be found on a community search online. If you aren't able to find one in your area of interest then start one yourself. That's how these other ones (above) began.
Underlying the purpose of every group are simple rules or etiquette. Remember, you can only win the game when you know all the rules. There are 2 simple rules for your support group:
1. Formal Rules:
a. They will exchange information about one success and one setback at each meeting. (You can make up any others that are necessary for your group.)
2. The Informal Understanding:
a. Since this is a learning environment, each one will be completely open with the others about his/her feelings.
Like it or not, we are people persons, relationship people, (including singles) and all suffer pains either self-inflicted or those brought to us. Support groups have a stress relieving purpose and a mental health place in our society and many of us are better today because we made an easy choice and joined.
Of course, support groups can play other purposes in your life, for example, "Brainstorming" can do these things for you:
1. solve problems that alone you couldn't,
2. train you in skills to meet your challenges,
3. move you passed writing blocks,
4. infuse you with creativity,
5. bring you ideas or even one idea you need,
6. find yourself open to innovation you might never had access to.
Another dimension that is available only in support groups is "Masterminding" where business opportunities are for the finding, you can find additional methods of earning money; online businesses throw open their doors to you and you can ultimately be free from financial concerns. These groups sometimes require a varying membership charge or are free to members who find compensation in joint ventures or collaborations. The point of this kind of group is for mutual financial improvement just as becoming pain-free is of the other support groups.
from Doc Miller
for more about "Masterminding" put your "1st name + Masterminding" on the subject line of an otherwise blank email to: yesdocmiller@gmail.com Thank you for your interest!
================================================
Robert Kiyosaki Opened My Eyes!
By Kourosh Kavian
Robert Kiyosaki is the gifted man behind the Rich Dad Poor Dad book series. He is an ultra rich investor, author and educator. And he is a very likeable person too.
Like few others, his works have been a great source of wisdom and inspiration. I can honestly say that Robert Kiyosaki´s great book The Business School for People who Like Helping People. The Eight Hidden Values of a Network Marketing Business, Other Than Making Money really opened my eyes to the whole concept of Cashflow Quadrant and its implications.
In brief, in the Cashflow quadrant´s upper right hand corner there is an E for employee. Just below is an S for self-employed or small business owner. Both represent the left side of the cashflow quadrant and people on this side have very limited possibilities of ever becoming rich.
For obvious reasons it is hard to invest the time and money into a business of your own if you are employed. And as a small business owner too you are limited to your own efforts. If you do not work, you do not make any money.
The goal therefore, according to Robert Kiyosaki - and provided you want to become rich - is to shift to the right hand side of the quadrant. In the upper right hand corner there is a B for business owner and below it there is an I for investor. Here is where you can let other people´s efforts profit you. And in the I-quadrant, you invest so that your money works for you and eventually make you ultra rich.
Most people are in the E-quadrant. Why? Many like the "security" of a job. It is often seen as imprisoning, but let´s face it, most people do not like the responsibility that comes with owning their life, their time and their destiny. And most people are alien to the idea of delayed gratification. It is far easier to stay within your comfort zone and complain than to dream big and try to realize whatever you dream of!
The E-quadrant gives you limited freedom, money and influence on your life. On the other hand, you get a salary for your hours worked (Or at work, Everybody does not necessarily work because they are at work...) The E-quadrant is predictable and gives people a false sense of security.
In addition, a lot of people like their jobs. They interact and socialize there and get a sense of identity and worth from what they perform there and so on. It is a myth that everybody wants to quit their jobs. (Or J.O.B.s as some say; "Just Over Broke") Of course they don´t!
What Robert Kiyosaki points out is that no matter how hard you work or how many hours of overtime you put in, you will never get rich from your job.
In the S-quadrant there are possibilities of creating wealth, however. But then again, if you do not work, there is no income. Consequently, the S-quadrant is also limited. Additionally, the reality is that most small business owners work tremendously hard and long hours. If you have previously been employed and start your own business, you will most likely spend much more time working than ever before. But most small business owners do that out of passion and a sense of gratification in working for themselves. Being their own boss.
What then is the big difference between the S- and the B-quadrant? First of all, it is a fairly low percentage who ever reach the B-quadrant (business owner). Those who do let others work for them. That is the biggest difference. Accordingly, it is possible to make money while others take care of your business.
Robert Kiyosaki points out time and time again in one of his great books The Business School for People who Like Helping People , that the journey from the S to the B-quadrant is not so much physical as mental. You have to believe that it is OK to let others work for you and let go of the belief that an employment is the only right way to make a living. Business philosopher Jim Rohn often points out that "Wages will make you a living (which is fine). But profits will make you a fortune (which is super fine)!"
From there the step to the I-quadrant is not hard, Robert Kiyosaki claims. "I" stands for investor and simply means that you invest in for instance property and make profit from that. According to Kiyosaki, the I-quadrant is the ultimate wealth builder and it also gives the investor the most freedom. What many fail to realize however, is that it takes hard work to get there. In many cases you invest thousands of hours of works for years and years and get no financial benefit at all until years later. Most people cannot accept that idea. The concept of delayed gratification is totally alien and as a result frightening.
What is there to fear?
1. Waste of time.
2. Waste of money.
3. Failure.
4. Ridicule from others.
All the above are possible losses if you are oriented towards immediate rewards. But if you realize that there are lessons to be learned from everything we go through and that experience is invaluable and applicable to everything in life, then there is no reason to hold back. That is the concept of delayed gratification.
The seed you sow, water and look after today will be reaped when the fruit is ripe. Robert Kiyosaki´s rich dad used to say:
"The richest people in the world look for and build networks, everyone else looks for work".
In conclusion, anyone who is truly determined can change quadrant. You do not have to be Bill Gates or Henry Ford. It is possible through a solid networking business.
And bear in mind that the journey is a mental, emotional and spiritual one. All in all, changing quadrant is essentially the best thing to strive for if you want to become ultra rich. Albert Einstein said: "Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value." If you do, call yourself successful!
Kourosh Kavian is an avid learner of personal development and the study of success. He is totally into helping others achieve success in every area in life. Please visit: http://www.personal-development-inside-out.com
========================================
Success - How to Plan For Success
By Chris Ronson
When you want to lead a successful life what would you do to achieve it? There is the assumption that success comes to people when they are due some luck and the amount of people who genuinely believe this is staggering. In reality those people who succeed at anything in life have usually planned for it first. To make a plan like this you need to believe that you will be successful, you need to visualise yourself being successful and you need to act like you are successful.
Having this kind of attitude which enables you to plan ahead will help you to shape your own future which is full of successes. This doesn't mean you need some sort of 'blueprint' that you shouldn't deviate from, instead it means you have to be open and accepting of great achievements and expect them. Don't think that they will pass you by, or they will. If you and your mind are ready for successes, you will be able to plan for them.
To plan for success you need to start to think as though you were already successful. This will help to condition your mind to be more receptive to opportunities which in turn will increase your successes. Believe and plan for your achievements and they will happen for you.
When a person doesn't plan to be successful they will not recognise opportunities and they will miss out. It can be all too easy to blame your circumstances or your bad luck when you don't succeed, but you should be looking inward and making changes that will create an increase in how successful you become.
Would you like to have more success in your life?
Get instant access to my FREE 7 part ecourse called "Discover How The Law of Attraction Can Help You Achieve Ultimate Success" by going here: Law of Attraction
By Andrew Cox
An expert at debating was asked what to do to win an argument when an opponents' preparation, grasp of the facts, position on the subject and conviction make them a clear favorite to win.
His advised taking five actions in order to "Win."
1 - Attack their behavior
2 - Ridicule and dismiss or show contempt for the person and their position
3 - Question their motives
4 - Apply a negative label to them,
5 - Speak loudly and quickly
Sound familiar? In other words, practice Destructive Confrontation.
Pretty scary stuff. The debate experts experience was that few people could stay on point while being subjected to that kind of personal attack. None of the five actions have anything to do with the merits of the positions. His experience was that even the most rational debater would at some point become emotional and defensive, and once that happened, they were finished - as far as winning the debate was concerned.
He's right - and it's not limited to the arena of debate.
Destructive Confrontation - it's the source of more negative emotions, poor communications and low productivity than any other behavior.
What's bad about it is that it has nothing to do with the merits of an argument - nothing about facts - nothing to do with gaining understanding - nothing to do with learning.
What's troubling is to see how that behavior has captured our discourse - on every level. Watch any news show, read any Opinion page in a newspaper, read any number of blogs, observe meetings where the outcome is the increase in importance of one group at the expense of another, and it becomes obvious that a large segment of our population is destructive to those who don't share their viewpoint.
It doesn't have to be that way.
"Without conflict there is no learning." I don't know who to attribute that statement to, but I had a boss who believed in it and demanded argument and conflict as a means of creating better communications and better decision making. The workplace he created was highly productive, relationships were based on respect and trust, and it was one of the most demanding, rewarding places I ever worked. Constructive confrontation was the rule of the day - it was a behavior that produced superior results.
Many people make the mistake of thinking that the opposite of destructive confrontation is some warm, fuzzy place where we all " just get along." There is nothing further from the truth. Constructive confrontation is a contact behavior, and it requires a number of behaviors, beliefs and values that are opposite to destructive confrontation. For some leading organizations, it's so important that they conduct training and evaluations to ensure that it is part of their behavior. They are convinced that "without conflict there is no learning.".
Successful organizations - and individuals - that practice Constructive Confrontation realize there are a number of factors that are critical to its effective use. Tops among them are these eight:
1 - The belief that every person's point of view brings value to decision making
2 - The self discipline to get past initial emotional reactions and deal with facts and figures
3 - Effective communications skills that can effectively express a point of view
4 - The ability to deal with things as they are - a real world view
5 - The conviction that constructive confrontation will produce better results - results with a higher chance of acceptance and success
6 - A willingness to seek out, listen to and accept alternative solutions
7 - A desire to act decisively and use Constructive Confrontation to arrive at the best possible outcome as quickly as possible
8 - The emotional maturity to look at issues as issues, without personalizing them
The encouraging thing about all eight factors is that they can be learned and acquired. There is no magic formula to developing effective Constructive Confrontation. But it is tougher to develop as a behavior than Destructive Confrontation - which comes from emotion and the all too human desire to "win" - whatever that might mean.
But contrast the effect of the two - in your personal life and in your organizational life. There really is no contest. Constructive Confrontation has the ability to create results and success. And yet, it's amazing how few are really good at it. It's a top ten percent behavior. Knowing that, ignore all the media yelling and screaming and the all too human temptation to let emotions rule, and cultivate the eight factors as a means of increasing your level of success - in relationships, business, personal interests and family - and possibly even in politics.
Andy Cox is President of Cox Consulting Group LLC. The focus of his work is on helping organizations and their people increase their success in the hiring, developing and enhancing the performance of leaders and emerging leaders. Cox Consulting Group LLC was started in 1995, and has worked with a wide range of organizations, managers and leaders - helping them define success, achieve success and make the ability to change a competitive advantage. He can be reached at http://coxconsultgroup.com or at acox@coxconsultgroup.com
============================================
How a Support Group Can Help You Avoid Pain - Spark Your Creativity and Frog Leap Into Prosperity!
By Doc Miller
An informal support group, by design, exists to help each other with pain relief or to avoid the pain, of yet another defeat. Every city of any size has these support groups and more:
- Family support group
- Parent support Group
- Depression support group
- Divorce support group
- Bipolar support group
- Anxiety support group
- Alcoholics' Anonymous support group
The meetings are advertised in local newspapers, school bulletin boards (including the Psychology Dept. of local colleges), and can be found on a community search online. If you aren't able to find one in your area of interest then start one yourself. That's how these other ones (above) began.
Underlying the purpose of every group are simple rules or etiquette. Remember, you can only win the game when you know all the rules. There are 2 simple rules for your support group:
1. Formal Rules:
a. They will exchange information about one success and one setback at each meeting. (You can make up any others that are necessary for your group.)
2. The Informal Understanding:
a. Since this is a learning environment, each one will be completely open with the others about his/her feelings.
Like it or not, we are people persons, relationship people, (including singles) and all suffer pains either self-inflicted or those brought to us. Support groups have a stress relieving purpose and a mental health place in our society and many of us are better today because we made an easy choice and joined.
Of course, support groups can play other purposes in your life, for example, "Brainstorming" can do these things for you:
1. solve problems that alone you couldn't,
2. train you in skills to meet your challenges,
3. move you passed writing blocks,
4. infuse you with creativity,
5. bring you ideas or even one idea you need,
6. find yourself open to innovation you might never had access to.
Another dimension that is available only in support groups is "Masterminding" where business opportunities are for the finding, you can find additional methods of earning money; online businesses throw open their doors to you and you can ultimately be free from financial concerns. These groups sometimes require a varying membership charge or are free to members who find compensation in joint ventures or collaborations. The point of this kind of group is for mutual financial improvement just as becoming pain-free is of the other support groups.
from Doc Miller
for more about "Masterminding" put your "1st name + Masterminding" on the subject line of an otherwise blank email to: yesdocmiller@gmail.com Thank you for your interest!
================================================
Robert Kiyosaki Opened My Eyes!
By Kourosh Kavian
Robert Kiyosaki is the gifted man behind the Rich Dad Poor Dad book series. He is an ultra rich investor, author and educator. And he is a very likeable person too.
Like few others, his works have been a great source of wisdom and inspiration. I can honestly say that Robert Kiyosaki´s great book The Business School for People who Like Helping People. The Eight Hidden Values of a Network Marketing Business, Other Than Making Money really opened my eyes to the whole concept of Cashflow Quadrant and its implications.
In brief, in the Cashflow quadrant´s upper right hand corner there is an E for employee. Just below is an S for self-employed or small business owner. Both represent the left side of the cashflow quadrant and people on this side have very limited possibilities of ever becoming rich.
For obvious reasons it is hard to invest the time and money into a business of your own if you are employed. And as a small business owner too you are limited to your own efforts. If you do not work, you do not make any money.
The goal therefore, according to Robert Kiyosaki - and provided you want to become rich - is to shift to the right hand side of the quadrant. In the upper right hand corner there is a B for business owner and below it there is an I for investor. Here is where you can let other people´s efforts profit you. And in the I-quadrant, you invest so that your money works for you and eventually make you ultra rich.
Most people are in the E-quadrant. Why? Many like the "security" of a job. It is often seen as imprisoning, but let´s face it, most people do not like the responsibility that comes with owning their life, their time and their destiny. And most people are alien to the idea of delayed gratification. It is far easier to stay within your comfort zone and complain than to dream big and try to realize whatever you dream of!
The E-quadrant gives you limited freedom, money and influence on your life. On the other hand, you get a salary for your hours worked (Or at work, Everybody does not necessarily work because they are at work...) The E-quadrant is predictable and gives people a false sense of security.
In addition, a lot of people like their jobs. They interact and socialize there and get a sense of identity and worth from what they perform there and so on. It is a myth that everybody wants to quit their jobs. (Or J.O.B.s as some say; "Just Over Broke") Of course they don´t!
What Robert Kiyosaki points out is that no matter how hard you work or how many hours of overtime you put in, you will never get rich from your job.
In the S-quadrant there are possibilities of creating wealth, however. But then again, if you do not work, there is no income. Consequently, the S-quadrant is also limited. Additionally, the reality is that most small business owners work tremendously hard and long hours. If you have previously been employed and start your own business, you will most likely spend much more time working than ever before. But most small business owners do that out of passion and a sense of gratification in working for themselves. Being their own boss.
What then is the big difference between the S- and the B-quadrant? First of all, it is a fairly low percentage who ever reach the B-quadrant (business owner). Those who do let others work for them. That is the biggest difference. Accordingly, it is possible to make money while others take care of your business.
Robert Kiyosaki points out time and time again in one of his great books The Business School for People who Like Helping People , that the journey from the S to the B-quadrant is not so much physical as mental. You have to believe that it is OK to let others work for you and let go of the belief that an employment is the only right way to make a living. Business philosopher Jim Rohn often points out that "Wages will make you a living (which is fine). But profits will make you a fortune (which is super fine)!"
From there the step to the I-quadrant is not hard, Robert Kiyosaki claims. "I" stands for investor and simply means that you invest in for instance property and make profit from that. According to Kiyosaki, the I-quadrant is the ultimate wealth builder and it also gives the investor the most freedom. What many fail to realize however, is that it takes hard work to get there. In many cases you invest thousands of hours of works for years and years and get no financial benefit at all until years later. Most people cannot accept that idea. The concept of delayed gratification is totally alien and as a result frightening.
What is there to fear?
1. Waste of time.
2. Waste of money.
3. Failure.
4. Ridicule from others.
All the above are possible losses if you are oriented towards immediate rewards. But if you realize that there are lessons to be learned from everything we go through and that experience is invaluable and applicable to everything in life, then there is no reason to hold back. That is the concept of delayed gratification.
The seed you sow, water and look after today will be reaped when the fruit is ripe. Robert Kiyosaki´s rich dad used to say:
"The richest people in the world look for and build networks, everyone else looks for work".
In conclusion, anyone who is truly determined can change quadrant. You do not have to be Bill Gates or Henry Ford. It is possible through a solid networking business.
And bear in mind that the journey is a mental, emotional and spiritual one. All in all, changing quadrant is essentially the best thing to strive for if you want to become ultra rich. Albert Einstein said: "Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value." If you do, call yourself successful!
Kourosh Kavian is an avid learner of personal development and the study of success. He is totally into helping others achieve success in every area in life. Please visit: http://www.personal-development-inside-out.com
========================================
Success - How to Plan For Success
By Chris Ronson
When you want to lead a successful life what would you do to achieve it? There is the assumption that success comes to people when they are due some luck and the amount of people who genuinely believe this is staggering. In reality those people who succeed at anything in life have usually planned for it first. To make a plan like this you need to believe that you will be successful, you need to visualise yourself being successful and you need to act like you are successful.
Having this kind of attitude which enables you to plan ahead will help you to shape your own future which is full of successes. This doesn't mean you need some sort of 'blueprint' that you shouldn't deviate from, instead it means you have to be open and accepting of great achievements and expect them. Don't think that they will pass you by, or they will. If you and your mind are ready for successes, you will be able to plan for them.
To plan for success you need to start to think as though you were already successful. This will help to condition your mind to be more receptive to opportunities which in turn will increase your successes. Believe and plan for your achievements and they will happen for you.
When a person doesn't plan to be successful they will not recognise opportunities and they will miss out. It can be all too easy to blame your circumstances or your bad luck when you don't succeed, but you should be looking inward and making changes that will create an increase in how successful you become.
Would you like to have more success in your life?
Get instant access to my FREE 7 part ecourse called "Discover How The Law of Attraction Can Help You Achieve Ultimate Success" by going here: Law of Attraction
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